Best movie of the year?

I thought 2009 was a lame movie year. Sure there was District 9, Inglorious Basterds, star trek and Avatar. All of which are good entertaining movies. All these movies didn't make me ponder and think. Good movies make me think about it for a good long time, dark knight had me watch it three times in the theaters and another three times at home.

This year, I didn't have any favourite or beloved movie. Until today, 31st December, new year's eve. A Japanese anime movie titled 'Summer Wars' has managed to captivate my attention, released August 1st in Japan and August 8th in Korea. It didn't have an international release and a rumour from the internet predicts a DvD subbed release to be in 2010 March. That sucks. So I downloaded it. The quality was crap, the audio synch was fucked. The guys whom released it tried to fix it, but the audio was still out of synch by .5 maybe .2 seconds. Despite it running at a horrendously low resolution I continued to watch. Despite all this shit I sold after the first 10 minutes I was committed to buy the DVD once released. And at the end of the movie, that was 114 minutes, I thought: Damn, that was fucking awesome!

I can't reply explain why I love this movie so much. Words fail to be voiced as to why and how this movie impressed me. Personally my creed for reviewing anything is simple; experience it three times than write about it immediately after the third.

Although I have yet to have time to ponder and think about this movie, all I know is that I sunked two hours of my life watching this but the movie felt really short. Good things feel short, better things feel shorter, bad things drag on. This is the first movie in a long time that I actually felt giddy like a child.

In all honesty its my opinion. Some people may think this movie sucks or that my Anime infested mind is just thirsty for anything mildly good or that I'm simply simple minded. Its my 2 cents and I can throw it however I like.

Movie of the year for me was 'Summer Wars'.

Game of the year 'Uncharted 2'. (this is unrelated but damn, I just love the acronym GOTY)

Technical Difficulty.

In my ignorance I easily promised doing a facelift for this blog. A promise I intend to fulfill but, apparently making my own template isn't as simple as scrawling a few doodles on Microsoft Paint and slapping it onto the front page. Its got HTML and programming crap. I've got a month left before leaving, nothing else to do I might as well learn some basic HTML or at least give a decent effort to copy someone else's work, edit it a little and call it mine.

I'm postponing the facelift indefinitely. Also today has been the longest day for me, I've been awake since yesterday 1500. As I write this its been over 30 hours without sleep. The reason for this awfully stupid act came about last night at around midnight. Sleepless in bed, this has been happening for several days already. Sleeping late and waking up in the afternoon is a very 'fuck me' feeling. To 'reset' my biological clock I decided to stay up till the next night and sleep like a log, that is tonight.

Frankly its a really stupid idea, I was yawning the whole day and almost vomited after lunch. My mind was cloudy the entire day, basketball managed to pump some adrenaline into it and give clarity. Otherwise for the better part of the day my mind was as sharp as the flat end of a pencil.

Now if you'll excuse I've got a date with lady mattress and miss pillow.

iTunes.

Its been several days since I've came back and to my dismay Malaysia is still humid as hell. The cool air of Egypt is only a fond memory now. This week's Sunday goal is to do a write up about Egypt with some pictures for the less imaginative one's (you know who you are), oh and I also went to Dubai.

My blog is looking craptacular. It needs a major facelift so that will be one of my goals as well this week.

Today's topic is iTunes. Apart from being an excellent piece of software it also manages my iPod. The thing about iTunes is that it keeps track of everything when its running or when the iPod is running in its stead. Not an intricate to the fabric detail log, it doesn't record how long its been on, how many times its switched on a day, or any of that trivial bull shit (although, trivial bull shit would be awesome). No, I'm referring to its 'top 25 played'. The default play list it gave and one I still use. Frankly, I think it says a lot about me. Knowing the music a person listens to most often gives a small but in depth view of what's going on in that person's mind. Of course this does not apply to everyone. But it does apply to someone like who can't function without music and who thinks his most valuable possession is his portable music player.

Although, when I look at my own 'top 25' I feel almost embarrassed and sometimes s exclaim, "how the fuck did that get there!"

So here are five random songs from my top 25. Enjoy. Or cringe.

Note: all these are youtube videos so the quality ain't there.

At the top of my top 25 is: Just Breathe by Kylee. (play count 85)

At number 4 its: Hit The Floor by Linkin Park. (play count 63)

At number 5 its: Mysterious Purupuru Pururin by Shishidou Rumi. (play count 58)

At number 14 its: Run Rabbit Run by Eminem. (play count 48)

Finally at number 21 and rising steadily fast is: Nyanderful! by Sakikabara Yui.

These were all randomly chosen. And for me I had a hard time playing these videos, thanks streamyx!

See ya next Sunday.

Holiday.

Going on holiday from today (tonight) till the 23rd of December.

And this is hilarious.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Distant Monster.

Limited time is like a huge silent monster that was created by ourselves. We lay down its starting point and end point. The clock starts running and the monster moves only an inch everyday and at the beginning it’s a hundred kilometers away. You know its there but its shadowy figure only sparks a small fear for the future. The fear too small for worry but big enough for a quick glance that is dismissed just as fast with the comforting thought that the shape in the distant has changed little or not at all. Its massive figure changes only so slightly as it comes closer and closer. The monster is than forgotten, the person looks all around him occupied with the world while instinctively avoiding the very sight of that distant monster. Finally when it eclipses the very sun do we realize, ‘Shit, I’ve run out of time.’ It than consumes us.

I’m leaving Malaysia in February, five months have passed and its stunning to me how fast time flies when I’m doing nothing. Well I didn’t do nothing but, I feel unaccomplished. I wish I had more time to practice my guitar, or to read more books. These are the things I wanted to do. I’ve gamed more than enough. In fact, I think I’ve been gaming a whole shit load too much.

Not only for single player but also Uncharted 2 multiplayer, Modern warfare 2, Team Fortress 2, not to mention the time wasted on Company of Heroes skirmishes (over 100 hours) and finally all that time spent in cyber cafes playing left4dead, Modern warfare one, or Starcraft. God only knows how many hours were spent, I'm sure he would raise an eyebrow if he knew.

As I said before, I’ve gamed a shit load.

Do I regret it? No, I don’t. I just wish that I had more time. Which ironically is a waste of time, that is to ponder upon the time wasted when pondering in itself is already wasting time. Actually, by writing this I’ve wasted time. In fact, if I didn’t start this silly blog I would’ve saved some time to be used in a more productive activity like picking my nose or eating fried ground nuts.

I have a month, and going on holiday for two weeks doesn’t help. So my top priority once I come back from Egypt is to get fit. I also need to practice my guitar and learn how to cook. Actually, once I get there will I be able to play? I’ll find a way I guess.

Once I finish Assassin’s Creed two I think I’ll be done with gaming. For now…DUM DUM DUUUUUUUM!! Need some quality time to spend with my cat before I go, oh and friends too.

Sunday, sunday, sunday!

So I made the cheese cake.

Here it is;

I am much too lazy to go into details on how I made it and what's in it. Although it did taste absolutely delicious despite its lack of aesthetic beauty. Five out of five in my book.

Next Sunday's goal will be, wait. I wont be here next Sunday. So there will be no goal for I will be on holiday with the family until Christmas Eve.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have a cake to devour with my Camomile tea. Ciaossu.

Note: If you're wondering why does the picture quality suck balls its because I took pictures with my craptacular Black Berry phone camera. I was lazy, bite me.

Why is the world so jacked?

I heard once before someone saying that the world is neither good or evil, it’s simply the world. There is no greater Good or pure Evil the world is as fucked and beautiful as it is because humanity made it that way. God didn’t tell us to rise up in dire times, he didn’t tell us to do the weird shit we do, and he didn’t smoke us for doing bad things either. My view on the world and its independence may, or may not oppose my religious belief. But in the end, I really don’t care. Because I’ve come to the belief that a man can pray as much as he likes but without the sweat of his brow nothing will bare fruit in his garden.

My view of God and his irrelevance to current events sounds blasphemous. In fact, it most likely is. I don’t refute his existence or his authority but I do question the interpretation of his text by mortal men. Because of this I’ve always cringed when people talk about religion, when the imam preaches it, or even that odd SMS of: May God protect you ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. Religion is an idea like any other thing its been created by humanity. Therefore, even if it is the truth it can be twisted because man had a hand in it. The best example would be extremism, Jihad, the crusades and all that bullocks. I’ve always thought this way ever since that one time in Friday prayers the Imam was talking about how the Americans were hell bent on destroying Islam. And how Iraq was the first victim of this modern day ‘Holy’ crusade inspired by olden times. This didn’t hit me just yet until I got back home and later that night discussed it with my mother. She said something so profound that day, unwittingly maybe. In the talk I jokingly remarked, ‘Can you believe it the Imam preached that the Americans are on some Holy Crusade.”

My mother replied, ‘What if what he said was true?’

That made me think deeply, he was a religious figure someone thousands if not, tens of thousands trust. His information could be baseless, he could be crazy, he could be on the pay roll of some terrorist group or hell, he could be telling the truth as unlikely as that sounds. The point is that he is a man, endowed oh so gracefully by God with all the faults of lust, pride, greed, ignorance, fallibility, and stupidity. No man other than the prophet should have the right to call out blood in the name of God. In fact, shouldn’t a religious figure preach peace not war? Shouldn’t we talk about things first? Negotiations should be first choice not the sword. And the argument of they hit us first is childish, even if it does involves thousands of lives innocent or otherwise. As a collective we should be above the stupid atrocities leaders past have done. So when people call out Jihad, or say Israel should burn. Or down with Jews. Islam 4eva. I would like to say. FUCK you. Some of us rather take the high road no matter the cost. Fighting fire with fire solves nothing.

I’m not saying this to spite anyone. I am just so sick and tired when people talk about war and how awesome it is that X country has Z advantage. Or how Y president told M country to go fuck itself. Or how we should all be in the fight just because we’re the same religion. Just because we pray to the same God, it doesn’t mean I owe you two shits for anything.

Enough of religion and its relation to modern issues, its a morbid topic.

Despite the fuck ups there are times in this world when things feel warm and fuzzy. A song, a moment with friends or family, an event, a piece of art, what we read, what we watch, it can move us. Especially me, I find myself always so easily swayed by the art that is storytelling and its characters and even more so if they are non-fiction. However, the opposite shit comes around as well.

When people scream racist and vulgar remarks, although only in text, it still hurts and even more so when its voiced. When a car dangerously cutting into your lane without signaling, when a cashier gives you that sour face just because you were that last fussy customer and her early return home had been delayed, when TV news start rolling and the world’s problems seem endless with no easy solution. These will always make people feel down. Even me, as much as I preach and lecture about how much I don’t give a fuck I still care. I’ve always told myself and whoever who would listen that; its not that I don’t care. I do care. Things that hurt be it words, text, even those dirty smug looks, they all stab me in the heart like any normal person. But the difference for me is that, I can take it. The pain is still there but my reaction to it can always change, and the best part of it all is that I have the power to choose what that reaction would be. I could start mouthing off, I could get physical and throw a chair, or I could be calm and collected and walk away. Personally I’d rather mouth off, or laugh maniacally muahahhahahah.

The world is as fucked as it is beautiful. In the words of some motorcycle anime that I have yet to watch, “The world is not perfect. Therefore it is beautiful.”

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PS: I forgot to mention my Sunday goal in my last entry. This week’s goal is: Baking a cheesecake that is based on my mum’s own recipe.

Gravity.

First I would like to disclose several facts that I would have otherwise kept secret.

1. This wasn't written this week. Its a weird thing I cooked up several weeks ago. I was suppose to write something new and I did but it came up to 700 words before I thought 'Meh, its garbage,' so I rewrote it again. And it still felt like garbage. So instead I looked at this old work and decided to proof read it a little, some changes here and there.

2. Writing has always made me realize how weak I am at descriptive writing. Its hard, and I've been lacking in the reading department. Fuck you video games.

3. This has nothing to do with ego. In fact I would have rather not post this. But in my stupid vanity I made this a goal. I'll be damned if I lie to myself let alone on this blog.

4. Read it. Hope you like it. It needs more work I know. Or don't read it, that would spare me the embarrassment.

5. If you did read it, its obviously not finished.

6. Finally, very sorry about the tardiness. I was out with some friends. And this blogger crap really fucks up when i copy paste from microsoft word.

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When things go bad, they go bad fast. Oliver Claw learned this the hard way. One late evening, the streetlights of Park Lane went out. The residents didn’t care, it was late and sleep beckoned them to bed. Oliver in his room with his lights out stood by his window and resisted sleep. He loved the dark, and indulged his senses by staring into the dark street of Park Lane. Than it happened, something quite unexpected. To Oliver it started as a mere particle, from a singular point a bubble emerged. The bubble was colored in light blue but it was transparent. It was created in a split second and covered the front porch stopping mere inches from Oliver’s window that overlooked the garden, the bubble stretched till the neighbor’s own garden gnomes. It was a circle, from that split second Oliver knew something was up. The bubble appeared and vanished, no one would have noticed it, Oliver however had witnessed it expand out to his face and it vanished just before touching him. Odd thought Oliver, he than preceded to lean his body forward. It didn’t take much effort and Oliver’s head popped neatly into the invisible bubble.

This was Oliver’s first time witnessing a mage battle. There we’re two people at the centre of the bubble who seemed to be engaged in a furious melee of punches, dodges, and kicks. One of the fighters was clad in a black robe his features hidden by his hood. He was tall, at least six feet, he did little offensive fighting, mostly dodging the furious volley from his opponent. The latter was a woman, she was wearing white grey pants, with a woolen blue jacket that was laced with fur and buttoned with dark mahogany buttons, the attire was made for the cold mountains with the intention of hiking; it was dirty and worn out.

Oliver was dumbstruck, he just watched. The woman was beautiful she was shorter than the man by half a foot; she had black hair that was tied in a ponytail. The melee continued, the black robed man (nicknamed Blackie by Oliver) was gracefully dodging his relentless attacker. Finally, he jumped high into the air and landed softly ten meters away. The woman (nicknamed Ponytail) stopped, she was still in a fighting stance with her right fist by her jaw and her left fist on her hip. They didn’t seem tired. Oliver was too far to hear, but could sense that he was saying something through his body language. Blackie than pointed at Ponytail, she became more alert.

Blackie crouched down and literally pulled out from his own shadow, a blade. The sword looked light and slim it had a broad face, it was made to slash and lacked a sharp point it did not reflect light instead it seemed to be absorbing it. Blackie launched forward, sword in hand; Ponytail jumped and she stretched her hand out from it a fireball spewed out from its tip. Blackie dodged it by jumping over the fireball; in a somersault Blackie used his free hand to vault his entire weight into the air. This was all happening very fast; Blackie was already catching up to Ponytail’s slow but high jump. Blackie did an upper cut with his shadow blade, Ponytail managed to deflect it with a force that spewed from her hand that was outstretched. The force seemed to be a glass like shield; it shattered but led Ponytail unharmed from the blade. With the blunt force from the blade breaking the shield, Ponytail used it to spring herself further away. They than stopped, as if to have a stare off. Oliver was still dumbstruck he could not bring himself to move or even think.

Than the bubble started to wobble. Oliver could not sense the wobble physically; it was more of an instinct. Oliver than tried to pull his head out but before that could happen he was pulled in, or rather out of the window. The next few moments was a swirl of darkness mixed with the extreme sensation of riding the worst roller coaster in history, was what Oliver believed.

Oliver woke up in a room of pure white. There was a bald man in a white suit standing by him. He smiled and said, ‘Hello Oliver, I’ve been waiting for you.’ Oliver got up in a slow manner; he was wearing jeans with a plain green long sleeved shirt. He stood almost eye-to-eye to the bald man. He was slightly taller and his face was plastered with a grin that made Oliver uneasy.

Oliver said nothing his bearings were setting in, the battle, and his apparent teleportation and now his confusion in all this fictional matter was prodding his logic like a hot iron rod smashing into a watermelon. Than as sudden as these events had occurred his worries disappeared and Oliver became calm and in control.

‘Have you settled Ollie?’ asked the bald man.

‘Yes, its weird that I feel so calm I know shouldn’t be come but somehow I feel that I belong here’ said Oliver.

‘That’s because you were called here, by me.’

‘What do you mean? And how do you know my name?’ asked Oliver.

‘First of all, my name is Scopes and this place is Fell Ground. It is a world which is apart from your own, it is-‘

Oliver interrupted and said, ‘Different worlds?’ snidely.

‘Just hear me out for now, Ollie,’ said Scopes, he was enjoying himself.

‘This is Fell Ground one of three worlds. The first is yours, ground zero, the beginning but not the end. The third is man made “The Land of Shadows”.

‘The Land of Shadows?’ asked Oliver, who was stifling his laugh but failed to prevent a smile.

‘These lands were discovered thousands of years ago and the language they used was cryptic as well as eccentric. Would you care to know what these lands are?’ asked Scopes.

‘Oh, of course I’ve got nothing to lose and besides I’m curious. But wait, I’ve got questions of my own. Why am I here and how did I get here? And what was that fight I saw it was pretty wicked and-‘ Oliver stopped talking he noticed that his host had cease to listen.

Scopes wasn’t listening t because he was preoccupied; he kept looking around, searching.

‘What are you looking for?’ asked Oliver.

‘A good place for tea,’ replied Scopes.

He proceeded to point at the spot of his favor and with his index finger pull out from nothing it materialized two white garden chairs and in between them a slim tall round table and a tea set.

‘How did you do that?’ asked Oliver.

‘Magic,’ quipped Scopes.

‘Ha ha, very funny. Never mind I guess magic; science fiction, teleportation and all that nonsense exist. Should I be surprised if I see a pixie flying about?’ said Oliver in a humorous tone.

‘No and her name is Bella. Be nice,’ said Scopes.

‘This place,’ continued scopes, ‘is my realm. Anything I want will materialize it is a blank state and its power is derived from my very soul. It very much me as am I it, I’ve been living here for so long I cant leave,’ as Scopes finished talking an awkward silence came over them.

‘Come, sit. Would you like some green tea?’ asked Scopes whom was pouring himself a cup.

‘Yea sure,’ said Oliver trying to wrap his mind around what he just said as he took a seat.

With the warm cup in both hands Oliver sipped the tea. He was calm and it felt right to be there. Oliver knew all this, but didn’t know why.

‘Before you explain anything. Why am I here Mister Scopes?’

Last Wednesday after work I had a bad case of coffee rush. Couldn't sleep so I decided to cook up some Croutons.

The recipe was simple enough, a little google searching is all it took:

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 cups of stale bread cubes
• salt and pepper to taste

The only problem was that I did not have stale bread. Fuck it I thought, I than proceeded to chop/ slice/ cut two slices of bread. The fact that the bread was not stale made the Crouton soft, and it absorbed the butter and olive oil. In the end it had a crunchy-ish outerior while butter and olive oil mixed together gave a somewhat damp texture. The taste of butter and olive oil was delicious but it was a bit too potent.

So my Crouton was not a success. This morning I chopped up some Roman Lettuce and than boiled an egg. Had some Caesar Salad dressing which tasted water downed and lacked in the black pepper department. In the end it came up to look like this:-

Goal accomplished. I rate me own Caesar Salad a 1 out of 5. Edible, but not something you would serve to someone else.

Next Sunday's goal is -

A story that's at least 1000 words long.

17 days

Its been 17 days since my last entry. Pathetic. But, I think I've discovered the root of the problem to this lack of entries and initiative; I lack a goal.

This blog has no goal. This epiphany was solely due to me watching a movie called Julie and Julia. Its a pretty damn good movie.

I don't have the slightest idea for a goal of the grandeur kind. Instead, for a start it will be a weekly goal and every Sunday I will make some time to write it out. Of course other than Sunday I may pop in an entry or two during the week.

So this week's goal is:

~~~~*drum roll*~~~~

Making a Caesar Salad!

I'll give a detailed account on how i prepped it and made it. There are many kinds of Caesar Salad's and frankly, I'm new to cooking. So I'll go with simplicity.

Games. I need more! MORE!

I’ve been splurging on games recently, most of them for my console the PS3. Yeah my PS3 slim, its quiet, doesn’t overheat even after almost ten hours of continuous play. Did I mention my PS3? It’s free to play online and it can play Blu-ray. What you don’t have a PS3? Pity…pity.

The RM20 on my bank account that was once filled with more than RM3000 had me thinking, ‘My God, how much have I bought?’ and this got me thinking further. How many original games do I have?

Lets make a tally, shall we:

PC

1. Medal of Honor: Allied Assault.
2. Counter Strike: Source
3. Team Fortress 2
4. Half-life 2 including episode two and three
5. Portal
6. Guild Wars
7. World Of Warcraft
8. Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning
9. Titan Quest
10. Crysis
11. Left 4 Dead
12. Garry’s Mod
13. Company of Heroes all three (one of which was a gift)
14. Oblivion
15. Dawn of War all three: Dark Crusade, Winter Assault and the Original (cant remember what’s it called)
16. Starwars: Battlefront
17. Torchlight
18. Street Fighter 4

PS3

1. InFamous
2. Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction
3. Metal Gear Solid 4
4. Valkyria Chronicles
5. Uncharted 2
6. Killzone 2
7. Demon’s Soul
8. Fat Princess

When it’s all laid out… it doesn’t look too impressive. What would be long and hard to remember would be listing every game I finished! Alas, most of them are pirated (I have repented and now buy originals only) and my memory can only remember the awesome.

By the way, Uncharted 2 is by far the best game I’ve played. If there was a game award for: “Game of the Decade” I would vote for Uncharted 2 while screaming, ‘DRAAAAKE!’

My bank is broke but once I get some cash I’m going to be buying some more games to complete my wish list:

Dragon Age Origins

Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time

Grand Theft Auto 4

Little Big Planet

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Burnout Paradise

Maybe: Modern Warfare 2

Sooner or later I will buy all these games!!

Now I’m off to play the masochistically gratifying game that is Demon’s Soul. By the way, I’ll be playing that on my PS3. Did I mention that? It only does Everything.

The right to be Arrogant.

Yesterday I got a letter (e-mail) from University of Western Australia my application has been accepted; UWA is one of my ‘just-incase’ choices. As I read the letter, it finally dawned upon me that I am moving forward. Soon, I will be undertaking my bachelor’s degree, now if we follow the generic thinking of society I would almost immediately after graduating get a job. This is all in the assumption that the world is not in some huge depressing recession, a meteor hasn’t started the second ice age, world war three hasn’t occurred and I am still able to function adequately with my balls in place.

After getting a job either in foreign soil or back home and establishing a career I would most likely would want to start a family, grow old, die happy from cancer, bla bla bla. No. At my age I don’t give a fuck about a family, and for me I don’t give a fuck about relationships right now. Being nineteen has some perks, for one I have the right to be arrogant. I can push people aside and bellow, ‘Step aside, Irfan is here!’

I think being arrogant while your young and ignorant is a good thing. At this point of our life, sometimes younger, sometimes a little older, we create dreams. I’m not talking about those little dreams like getting laid before the year-end or getting that PS3 for Christmas. Big dreams, like conquering the world, owning a franchise that is valued in the billions, going back in time just to tell Hitler he’s a faggot, deflecting a comet with your bare hands, you know, big dreams.

The way I see it is if you cant dream big now, than when? Working at Coffee Bean has allowed me to witness how the bottom feeders think; they have no big aspirations other than a promotion or time off. There is no drive, no fire, and no dream. When I first spoke out of my interest to learn Japanese, my friends thought, “Yeah, it was going to happen sooner or later.”

But my co-workers they questioned. Why? Are you going to study there? You don’t need it at Australia so why? Vexed me as fuck, I answered, ‘For fun.’ And they gave me that stupid look of, why would you do if it wouldn’t benefit you money wise in the future.

They don’t understand. At my age it isn’t about money it isn’t about the future, it is about now. My point is that, life isn’t about that career, money, the future family we want, all those are way too serious to think about. At my age, life is about doing things we want just cause we can. Like learning the guitar, doing martial arts, going for baking classes, only God knows how useful these would be in a suit-choking career in some office stuck in a cubicle.

My co-workers most of them we’re adults, maybe that’s why they think I’m silly to do things which most likely wont help my ‘future career’. Sometimes when people my age talk about marriage and shit like that I go, ‘Dude what? Guys our age should be thinking about getting laid not married!’ (That’s a quote from family guy).

Final note, the reason why I got a sudden initiative to learn Japanese is because Maaya Sakamoto is the voice actor for the character Lightning in the upcoming game Final Fantasy 13. I love her work and I want to do it just ‘cause I can.

Having this much free time must be a crime.

Time.

Time. It progresses in a consistent manner – second by second. Nothing in this world can slow it down or, speed it up. We are at the mercy of this indifferent force of nature. Despite its robotic nature, time is perceived in many different ways. A thousand years is nothing to our blinding Sun. When in great pain thirty seconds feel longer than it is.

Time has this dirty trick of creeping up on people, me in particular. Its already October, I’ve been out of college for four months and yet, it feels like only yesterday I was walking into its gates for the first time. It feels like only yesterday, I was experiencing my first day of school in Primary School, or the day where I pushed that bully into a storm drain (don’t worry he lives) or the bus ride back home after winning the Kawad competition, or the first time I met my younger sister right after she was born. All these significant days, feel like yesterday. They aren’t all good days, but most are. I’ve been fortunate enough to be born without a rusty spoon in my mouth, although not silver, it is still fortunate.

I’m nineteen today. When a birthday arrives its hard not to think of two things: one, is this what I wanted to be last year. Two, what will change next year. Many things have changed, and when I think about it I wonder how these changes took place. As a child, I was meek. Today, I’m not meek anymore. In fact, I now hate the meek. They are just so meek.

I could go on rambling about the things that I should have done in the past or worst, ramble about the things I will do. No, that would be boring and self-indulgent instead, this post ends here.

My next project is called gaming fasting. I will try to not play video games in any form for as long as I can.

By the light of the MOOOOOOOOOOON! POOF!

Mr. Slay3r has logged out.

Coffee Bean.

As I've written before I recently have embarked on journey, employment.

*shivers

Damn. Now I only took this job because I had to make a deal with, my Father for a Playstation 3. Its been two weeks since I've started working part-time in Coffee bean. To sum up what we do is simple: Cooking, cleaning, brewing, blending, servicing, its all the same. There is no specialisation, a job that needs to be done can be done by anyone. Except for the managers they spend their time sitting on their ass doing paper work, while us 'baristas' or peons do most of the cleaning, brewing, blending, practically everything. This job, I was not suppose to be here. I was suppose to be in Subway!! Making sandwiches, who the fuck would have thought working in Coffee Bean would be such a huge pain in the ass.

From the moment I clock in, there is no sitting. Your always doing something and closing time is a bitch. Literally everything needs to be cleaned from the counter to the damned grease trap, the floor is mopped daily, and what makes matters worst is that we're given officially only thirty minutes to close up. Of course we try to start early, about three hours before closing but than the customers start to pour in at 9.30pm. If things don't get done, we work overtime. In the end, we still get paid peanuts. There is absolutely no bang for buck in this job. And if the district manager happens to come around and discovers our early initiative to clean he bones us. If we work too much overtime, they question us. All this shit, its pretty fucked especially for someone like me who reluctantly took the job, and the only reason I took it was because I was desperate for a PS3.

Most likely, I will quit. The reason for quitting is not because its too hard. Honest to God, the job is pretty easy to pick up. But repetition really kills it for me. Every night, its the same shit. Clock in, do some servicing, do some dishes, make some drinks all till 8PM. 8PM start cleaning, clean up the gourmet section, clean up the fucking toaster, all while still making drinks, servicing, and cleaning dishes. At the very end of the night, I stack the chairs, sweep the floor, and mop it later on. Now this is only my job. There are only two people doing closing excluding the manager who needs no count the money, do inventory, etc. Maybe working in Coffee Bean wouldn't be such a pain in the ass if it weren't so fucking understaffed.

Now the problem with all this Coffee bean (and most likely every other franchise in the world) is that everything, EVERYTHING is shipped in. From the pastries to the spaghetti everything is shipped in. When I mentioned cooking, I lied - its more like microwaving with a little presentation skills at hand.

Well anyway I'm trying to do some video gaming shenanigans. None of that reviewing crap though. Look forward to it, whoever you are.

Popularity.

Before, I never thought that popularity in school was anything serious, let alone real. It was something I thought only Western schools had. Well, I was wrong. The best part of it all was that I never knew about the struggles of popularity till now – two years after high school, and I heard it from someone else.

I don’t want to stretch on the details. So instead of writing about what someone told me, this article is going to be about…. stuff.

Popularity meant nothing to me. Not than, not now, and most likely not ever. In high school, what I can remember, apart from studying (what little I did) and extra curriculum activities was just watching anime, reading manga, playing games, and talking about all this with my friends. Thinking back I can only remember those sweet happy-go-lucky days – tomorrow was always a day away, today was always a carefree day. The far future was so far ahead it was irrelevant. Seeing my friend’s everyday, the world didn’t go beyond our own. Of course, today it’s different, but that’s another story.

Two years after high school I have become even more oblivious about popularity and face vale. The opinion of others meant little before, now they mean nothing to me. Here’s my philosophy, we are what we choose to be. No one can say otherwise. If someone demoralizes you, you bite, chew, swallow, and shit it out; or, you tell the bastard to go fuck himself. Both reactions are for two distinctly different groups of people; the first is for people you can learn from. The second is for the assholes that think they know better.

My belief is that the public is an uncaring piece of stone. What you do, what you say, it wont bother them, there will be no reaction. Unless, what you do happens to collide with the victim’s interest.

Till this day, from ten years ago (I hope I’m not exaggerating) I still remember what my good friend Arif once said – We we’re at McDonalds having lunch. I got tomato sauce on my shirt. I became embarrassed and tried very hard to get it off, after awhile, the movie we bought tickets for was about to show and I was still trying to scrub the stain off my white shirt. Than my friend Arif told me in a jovial manner, “Forget about it! No one is going to point and laugh. Nobody cares.” And so we went for the movie, and the tomato sauce was still there. The point is, nobody cares.

Those two words became my creed. And as I got older, these words just seem to grow stronger. Nobody cares. But wait – than should I not care as well? That’s an argument for another day. Just because nobody cares, should I do the same?

Its been awhile.

I've been busy, lazy, and eh lazier. So here's an update:

1. I got a PS3.

2. By getting a PS3 I was obligated to get a job (it was part of the deal that i made with my father).

Also most likely, I'll start reviewing games but it will be posted in 'Giantbomb.com', once I figure out how to record and photograph the video on my TV.

Now the main topic of this post: Identity.

Lao Tzu once said, "At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and what you want.”

This quote hit me so hard in the head I starred at it in awe for at least a full minute. Every word sinking in, and the simplicity of its presentation made it all the more impressive. It was the answer to my stereotypical questions. In the end, I decided to follow my ambitions and dare I say it, my ‘heart’. I have always been a fan of story telling. Since forever, I’ve been interested in both the telling and creation of a story. Because of this above average interest, I’ve been heavily invested in many different mediums for storytelling – books, manga, anime, games, television, and movies. Of course anyone can say the same. But for me, every waking hour of free time is spent on one of these ‘vices’. I hate it and love it at the same time. And my excuse for continuing this God forsaken habit is the famous line, “I need material and references that’s why I’m doing this. Its for the book I’m writing.” But when I get on this chair, on this desk, on this laptop, and start writing the first one or two pages, I realize that my English is poor, my technique is weak, the scenes so vividly imagined in my mind seem bland on paper. I become frustrated and decide to post-pone this project.

I admire creativity, writing, drawing, and playing music. I really admire these people who do it professionally and do it well. If I could draw, I would have pursued a career in art. Alas, it’s just not in the cards.

Ever since my A-Levels ended I’ve been in a scramble to apply for further education and choose what degree to pursue. I’ve been torn between finance (and law) and software engineering. Thinking about the future is scary. On one end I’ll end up on the corporate side of life, on the other the possibility of working on games or, ending up as a drone for some software company mindlessly typing code after code, line after line, debugging, and whatever else.

This raya , my uncle came and he said the most peculiar thing. Talking about my educational future, he told me of the riches to be had by taking finance. And, of course I was happy to hear about how well the market is for the degree I’m pursuing. However, it got me thinking. Is money all there is to this world? Than like a whirlpool I remembered my reasons for taking accounting, and now finance. They we’re just back ups for what I really wanted to do. I wanted to write, I wanted to write professionally. Getting a degree was just a safety net.

These few months I’ve been neglecting my writing, neglecting my reading, neglecting my passion. Money isn’t everything, not to me it is just a means of survival and freedom.

Lao Tzu, he was a fucking genius, no doubt. I’ve never heard of a famous asian writer, but hey; its better to try and fail, get stomped, raped, burned, and fucked than never to try at all right? …..RIGHT??!! I am so boned.

Classical Music.

I earnestly believe no one in this world can ever hate classical music. Unless he or she we’re to have been indoctrinated to revolt it, or have been emotionally scarred by taking music lesson unwillingly as a child or is simply born a douchebag. You may not love it, worship it, or hold it in high regard, but I’m sure no one hates it.

I myself love classical, although I have only an odd thirty songs in my iTunes (mostly Beethoven, Mozart and some Rachaminoff).

What I’m trying to point out is the fact that liking Classical Music does NOT, I repeat, does FUCKING NOT, make you any better/ superior/ smarter/ holy fuck I’m awesome shit, to anyone else. Some people think that listening to classical music, and reading books constitutes to a better intellect. No. Intelligence is not measured by what we do in our past times, it is not measured by the quality of the company we keep, nor is it measured by our academic achievements. It is simple, higher intelligence = faster, easier – learning. And geniuses, well they teach themselves and that’s a whole new ball game.

Well that’s what I think. Just wanted to say, people who listen to classical music are not any different than those who don’t. Better taste maybe, but that’s all.

Note: I’ve been neglecting this blog. Fuck me. You know it’s so damn hard to find a topic let alone write at length. Of course there are those emotional shit people that drone when they feel depressed or just decided to whine the fuck onto the internet; everyone experiences hardship you're not the only dyke in the fucking universe who's panties are in a knot.

I’m not like that, when life kicks me in the balls; I kick back, or just do this _|_.

And another thing, I'm gonna start putting pictures into this damn blog. Its so damn boring even to me. You know no one might even be reading this but, a wise guy once said, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

So I'm 'venturing'! Huahahahahaha

SHOUT OUT TO ADEL! Good luck at Canada and give em’ Hell!

We're going in Deep....

As you may know (most probably not) right now, its the dry season for gaming and the recent announcements of many excellent titles only make it worst. The delayed: Starcraft 2, Dark Void and Dragon Age Origins. The big titles coming to the PC (for me) are Alpha Protocol and Borderlands both of which are slated for an October release. That, leaves me with a month and a bit of nothing. So what did I do? Apart from playing TF2 and getting frustrated as fuck from not getting a hat despite playing the game since its release - I started playing EVE online.

Here's a short description of what it is:

It is a player-driven persistent-world massively multiplayer online role-playing game set in a science fiction space setting. Players pilot customizable ships through a universe comprising over 7.500 star systems. Most star systems are connected to one or more other star systems by means of jump gates. The star systems can contain several phenomena including, but not limited to: moons, planets, stations, wormholes, asteroid belts and complexes. (From Wikipedia)

I'll start blogging about my experiences in this game but for now check out these pictures.

This was my frigate. It was good while in lasted.

This! Is my new destroyer and get this - its fitted with 7 guns.

A fellow EVE player once said,"The lengths we go just to put holes into pirates."

A little fighting, normally you're up against five little frigates with their pea shooters. But it can be overwhelming when wave after wave accumulate into 14 of these bastards.

This is seriously shallow. I just started last Monday and thus I'm experiencing a very novice standpoint. From what I've read from Eve News (a new york times for the game, if you will) people are battling in insane situations. Fleet against fleet, corporations wage war against one another, billions of ISK (EVE currency) at stake.

Its crazy, and I've only just started.

Generic Hobbies Part one.

You know what I hate? I hate fucking politics. So I’m not going to write about that instead, here’s a write up on what I think are generic hobbies.

Photography. Fuck yeah every Tom, Dick, and Abu considers this a hobby. They think that buying an expensive camera, or being that one time family photographer was an awakening. Of course, most don’t take it up as a profession. But they have the bloody nerve to criticize the photography of others, or worst give half-baked badly memorized advice to the ignorant just because he googled: photography tips. Even if none of what I write is applicable to you, or whoever. It still is a fact, that Photography is the most common hobby on Earth excluding eating or masturbating. With the rise of the digital camera, and websites that hosts pictures (whether designed specifically for that: Flickr. Or as a feature, a.k.a. facebook) everyone and anyone will take pictures sometime in their life. And with such high penetration there is no doubt that people will take it up as a hobby in their respective fantasies.

Let me give you a brief definition of hobby: A small gray falcon with chestnut legs that breeds in Europe and Asia and winters in Africa, Latin name – Falco subbuteo. (What am I a fucking dictionary?)

In short! It’s about doing an activity you LOVE and knowing full well your boundaries and skill at it, so in short of an in short, it is about not being a douche bag just because you call it a hobby. Taking a few pictures of your ass once in awhile, well does that make you an avid photographer? Personally I like to take pictures, I have a camera. But it’s not my fucking hobby. Its something I became accustomed to due to one, my father and two, school. People who call themselves addicts or claiming whatever their doing a hobby just because they dabble in it are clowns.

“I play chess once in awhile therefore, that must mean I am a good chess player! More superior than anyone else, HAHAHA.” Go fuck yourself is what I say.

I’m not beefing on people with hobbies. I just think that people who normally claim that this (the activity) is their hobby automatically think they are good or knowledgeable at it. A person who only plays Dota calls himself a gamer. Hey, you don’t give a fuck about any other game other than Dota. So don’t call yourself a gamer. Playing one game for 10 minutes doesn’t make you a gamer. It applies for everything, like myself. Just because I play basketball every week, and the fact that I love the sport does not imply that I am any good at it, its my fucking hobby and despite that! Prepare yourself dear reader: I still like it!

Some people. Well some people think that time, gives them all the comfortable leeway’s like how old people seem to think that the young are indebted to them. Sure some of the old do deserve a complimentary amount of respect but do all the elderly deserve it? Many maybe if not, most, but definitely not all.

You know what. Fuck it. What do I know?