Its been awhile.

I've been busy, lazy, and eh lazier. So here's an update:

1. I got a PS3.

2. By getting a PS3 I was obligated to get a job (it was part of the deal that i made with my father).

Also most likely, I'll start reviewing games but it will be posted in 'Giantbomb.com', once I figure out how to record and photograph the video on my TV.

Now the main topic of this post: Identity.

Lao Tzu once said, "At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and what you want.”

This quote hit me so hard in the head I starred at it in awe for at least a full minute. Every word sinking in, and the simplicity of its presentation made it all the more impressive. It was the answer to my stereotypical questions. In the end, I decided to follow my ambitions and dare I say it, my ‘heart’. I have always been a fan of story telling. Since forever, I’ve been interested in both the telling and creation of a story. Because of this above average interest, I’ve been heavily invested in many different mediums for storytelling – books, manga, anime, games, television, and movies. Of course anyone can say the same. But for me, every waking hour of free time is spent on one of these ‘vices’. I hate it and love it at the same time. And my excuse for continuing this God forsaken habit is the famous line, “I need material and references that’s why I’m doing this. Its for the book I’m writing.” But when I get on this chair, on this desk, on this laptop, and start writing the first one or two pages, I realize that my English is poor, my technique is weak, the scenes so vividly imagined in my mind seem bland on paper. I become frustrated and decide to post-pone this project.

I admire creativity, writing, drawing, and playing music. I really admire these people who do it professionally and do it well. If I could draw, I would have pursued a career in art. Alas, it’s just not in the cards.

Ever since my A-Levels ended I’ve been in a scramble to apply for further education and choose what degree to pursue. I’ve been torn between finance (and law) and software engineering. Thinking about the future is scary. On one end I’ll end up on the corporate side of life, on the other the possibility of working on games or, ending up as a drone for some software company mindlessly typing code after code, line after line, debugging, and whatever else.

This raya , my uncle came and he said the most peculiar thing. Talking about my educational future, he told me of the riches to be had by taking finance. And, of course I was happy to hear about how well the market is for the degree I’m pursuing. However, it got me thinking. Is money all there is to this world? Than like a whirlpool I remembered my reasons for taking accounting, and now finance. They we’re just back ups for what I really wanted to do. I wanted to write, I wanted to write professionally. Getting a degree was just a safety net.

These few months I’ve been neglecting my writing, neglecting my reading, neglecting my passion. Money isn’t everything, not to me it is just a means of survival and freedom.

Lao Tzu, he was a fucking genius, no doubt. I’ve never heard of a famous asian writer, but hey; its better to try and fail, get stomped, raped, burned, and fucked than never to try at all right? …..RIGHT??!! I am so boned.