A blank slate.

Often, I always feel, wasted. Time passes by so fast its hard to grasp it. And in the end, I blame no one but myself. I wasted today, yesterday, the whole week, all wasted on what? On a bloody game which i personally felt jaded playing. Its an addiction, this thing, always in need to be in front of a video game. Although i don't spend dozens of hours a week, I play a video game everyday. Without fail, whether its starcraft, diablo 2, Left 4 Dead, maybe a little civilisation 4, and my most persistent leech: Team Fortress 2.

I've been playing Team Fortress 2 since its release.

Not to brag, but I consider myself 'experienced' and pretty damn good. In fact being good at the game has its drawbacks. After every round of bloody fighting, the winning team gets a display of the top three players, listed as MVP's (most valuable players), its normal for me to be an MVP, to be at the top of the scoreboard or to be at least among the top four in the scoreboard. Because of this, being at the bottom frustrates the Hell out of me. When i started playing it was all about fun and losing once, twice, consistently, losing the whole damn day didn't matter. Now, being dominated (killed by an enemy player 4 times in a row) infuriates me, being at the bottom literally boils my blood. I swear, cuss, and get angry. For what? A fucking game?

At times, i wish i could wipe the memories I've had with Team Fortress 2 so that i could discover all its wonders again. However, after almost two years of the game I have neither mastered it nor grown rooted to it. Instead, i feel wasted. I wasted my time on this damned game which could go on forever. Its like a game of chess, the same board the same pieces, but it can be played in a thousand different ways.

I don't want to quit. But I feel that, I've had enough. Its time to stop. Since three o'clock today, I played TF2 till seven. And during that time i felt incredibly jaded, bored, sleepy, and tired. In a game, you're not suppose to feel sleepy unless: sleep deprived. And it was tiring because, it felt like a chore.

So from today onwards. I say sayonara to Team Fortress 2, L4D, and practically every game installed in my computer save one; starcraft. Why? Because i cant wait for the sequel and this game does not take as much time compared to the rest; roughly 20 minutes per bout. So its goodbye to Diablo2, TF2, L4D, Titan Quest, Crysis, Half-Life 2 (HL2), HL2: Episode 1, HL2: Episode 2, portal, Garry's Mod, Fallout 3, Call of Duty 4, and finally, Civilisation 4.

This immediate ceasing of gaming, feels exactly like how I stopped playing DOTA. One day, I was playing DOTA online. And i was losing. When the final scoreboard appeared i said out loud,"What the Hell am I doing? Fuck this," i walked away and never came back to it.